Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
