They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
