sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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