I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
