today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
