Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
