How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
