More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
