This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
