They should really pass out barf bags in church
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
just found out that she named her cat after me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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