Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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