If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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