there's paper in my vomit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
and you fell through a lawn chair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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