You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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