I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize