The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
