How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
