She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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