I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
