i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
