I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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