I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Come see our sink grown plant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
