he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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