i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
