People in love make me want to vomit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
