Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize