omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
