I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
