I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
