just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
