The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize