I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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