you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
