sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think your dad took our porno
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
