Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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