im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
