KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
