Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
pray to the hookup gods
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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