I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found the puke drawer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
