you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
