What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
