P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
is that a dick in a sweater?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Shame - the story of my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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