It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
