WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Be still, my beating vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
