He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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