we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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