Kiss
Puke
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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