Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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