WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
