Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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