Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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