Already got asked if we're dating
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
