Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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