if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your cock deserves a montage
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
