Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
