He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
