I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Vodka?
Forever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
