i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize