i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
