Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
