I CAN MOONWALK!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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