my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
