finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
