i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't turn off my feet"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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