I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
