I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
