I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
