ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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