I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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