Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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