I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
