if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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