Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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