Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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