Cold hands, warm shart.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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